I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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