i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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