i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
