She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
