bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
