so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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