i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
