I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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