i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
