So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
