I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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