she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
