guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
