I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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