i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
