Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
