Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
