my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
