I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
