My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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