I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
