I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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