dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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