Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
