So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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