woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
