addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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