pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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