He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
