you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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