You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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