btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
