we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
