Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
