please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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