We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
