Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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