just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
