We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
