i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
