I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
