watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
