did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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