I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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