i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
