no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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