Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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