you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
