Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
