May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
