Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
